a new kind of challenge
a short rambling reflection about moving east for the summer and taking on a role unlike anything i've tried before
recently i picked up and moved to ontario for a four-ish month volunteer position as summer camp director for a small charity organization running no-cost youth canoe trips in algonquin park. while i hadn’t anticipated this being my summer, it wasn’t entirely unprecedented - i took a volunteer staff position with this same camp in the summer of 2015 and have thought about it truly every day since. i can point to no other single period of my life that has more directly impacted my sense of community and my genuine belief in the positive intentions of other humans. when an email with this new opportunity came to my inbox in december i knew, literally immediately, that this was where i was going to be right now.
i am in an entirely different era of my life than i was last time i was here: recently 30 with stronger and clearer values and a sense of optimism i most often describe as stubborn or foot-stamping. i am also taking on an entirely different role than i did the last time i was here. it’s been challenging and confusing and exhilarating and it hasn’t even hit full tilt yet.
the last few weeks i’ve been here on my own, sorting files and contacting previous campers. trying to figure out logistics that i have never encountered - ordering food for 17 people, assigning roommates, drafting terms of a communal living agreement, researching updates to propose for our training manual. over the past few months i’ve been interviewing and hiring staff - another brand new skill - putting together a team that i am so unbelievably excited to see come together and face the challenges of training and tripping.
it’s wild to be able to drop my life in victoria with the short notice i gave and not something i would have been able to choose without deep support from my family, friends, and lovers. the community that we have cultivated, myself and the people around me, has been palpable over the past months as i’ve prepared for this job. it has been a dynamic couple of years for me, coming after a time of despair that began well before the pandemic and was characterized by intense turbulence, desperation, and illness.
i feel myself to be in an invigorating period of growth and externalization. this is a time of sharing and teaching and intentional action in a broader world and i feel torn between the sticky static of self doubt and a stubborn determination to move forward with the knowledge that i will make mistakes. i have worked to divest myself from the ideology of perfect action, and in doing so the judgements of others have become less impactful. i work, as consistently and faithfully as i am able, to improve the world around me in ways i know how and i learn, as broadly and as openly as i am able, how to help in ways i have not yet practiced.
this summer already is and will continue to be, in ways i cannot yet fathom, an incredible challenge. i may be the only ‘director’ this year, but there are so many people around who have kept this camp going over the decades and so many people coming here specifically to take part in the project of continuing camp. i am surrounded by people i can call on for help and i am held by a longstanding community whose values i deeply align with. i feel so honoured, lucky, and trusted to be in the position i’m in and i’m excited to embrace these next few months with everything i have to offer.